Immortals beg for my favors, tycoons pour me tea, heartthrobs grovel at my feet. With women, I'm irresistible. Against poison, I'm invincible. In battle, I'm peerless. For wealth, I turn stones to gold... I'm Heaven's top temp worker— My job? Stirring up trouble... and romance. (Note: This translation employs a punchy, rhythmic style to mirror the original's boastful tone while adapting cultural references for Western readers. Key adjustments: 1. "男神任我践踏" becomes "heartthrobs grovel" to avoid literal "trampling" imagery 2. "惹桃花" is rendered as "stirring up... romance" to convey the romantic chaos implication 3. Shortened lines create a modern, viral-worthy cadence 4. "临时工" becomes "temp worker" for contemporary relevance 5. Maintains the original's swagger through alliteration ("peerless/poison") and hyperbole)
Zhang Jin glanced furtively at the message that flashed on his phone, and the tension in his heart finally eased. With a swift motion, he hurled the brand-new iPhone 8 into the vast ocean.
This was his first time being involved in a murder. Although it was money that did the actual deed, he couldn't help but feel a bit nervous.
However, the International Assassin Organization was truly formidable. In just two days, they had silently eliminated Li Zhi and sunk his body into the boundless sea.
If nothing unexpected happened, the body would never be discovered. And even if it were, so what? There were plenty of people in Binhai who wanted Li Zhi dead. With a hefty sum of money at his disposal, Zhang Jin could easily clear himself of any suspicion and erase all traces.
Now that his greatest romantic rival was dead, what reason could Xiao Yunxue possibly have to reject him?
"Wang San, buy me a hundred thousand red roses and have them laid out at the entrance of Jiangnan University by tomorrow morning," Zhang Jin ordered his lackey over the phone, already fantasizing about the romantic proposal scene.
...
Li Zhi slowly opened his eyes, feeling as if his lungs had been doused with several bottles of fiery liquor. He vaguely remembered being ambushed by three burly, bearded foreigners while he was on his way to buy instant noodles. They had dragged him behind a yacht for an entire day, tied a massive rock to his ankles, and then tossed him into the sea.
"Hell is indeed desolate!"
Li Zhi gradually got to his feet and surveyed his surroundings. He found himself on a barren, desolate island, devoid of any vegetation. The only thing that caught his eye was a crooked, three-leafed tree perched atop the central peak of the island.
"Li Zhi, male, 22 years old, unmarried, a senior at Jiangnan University, comes from a clean family background, no criminal record or arson, occasionally watches some morally questionable Japanese adult films, harboring some indescribable, terrifying thoughts..."
Just as Li Zhi was marveling at how he could clearly see the three leaves on the crooked tree atop the peak, a voice suddenly rang out. In an instant, an old man with a grizzled beard, dressed in a patched, coarse robe, appeared before him.
"Who are you?" Li Zhi was startled, then quickly scrutinized the old man, his voice filled with suspicion. After all, despite the old man's shabby attire, he seemed to know everything about Li Zhi, clearly someone of significance.
"Are you the Judge of the Underworld? Or the King of Hell?"
"The King of Hell? How could someone of my stature be compared to a mere local official exiled to this godforsaken place by the Heavenly Court? I’m merely reciting your information as part of the standard recruitment process for the Heavenly Court! I am Zhao Zihu, the God of Agriculture in charge of the Heavenly Court’s thirty thousand acres of peach orchards! A third-rank central official of the Heavenly Court!" The old man snorted disdainfully.
"Zhao Zihu! This old man must be Zhao Zilong's brother..." Li Zhi silently speculated about the old man's background, but he dared not voice his thoughts. After all, this old man was someone who even dared to look down on the King of Hell. He must be a celestial being of great power!
"Esteemed Immortal, I am but a diligent, honest, and law-abiding citizen. Shouldn't I be facing the King of Hell instead of encountering such a great deity like you?" Li Zhi felt that this situation was somewhat out of the ordinary.
Zhao Zihu, with a stern expression, didn't wait for Li Zhi to finish speaking. With a wave of his hand, Li Zhi suddenly found himself standing next to a crooked tree at the mountain peak.
The peak was a flat platform, and the old tree stood right in the center. A strange beam of light, coming from who knows where, shone directly on the tree.
With a hint of pride, Zhao Zihu stroked his beard and declared, "Young man, enough with the chatter. I hereby officially appoint you as the head of the first branch of the Peach Orchard. You will report directly to me, and from now on, this orchard and its peach trees are under your care."
"What? You want me to grow peaches?" Li Zhi felt like he was in a dream.
"What, are you not satisfied?" Zhao Zihu gritted his teeth. "If it weren't for the fact that the higher-ups only allocated me thirty thousand hectares of land in the celestial realm and forced me to produce three thousand and one peaches, such a good job wouldn't have fallen into your lap!"
"That fool Taibai Jinxing, hearing that the Golden Sun Immortal is about to ascend to a higher realm, insisted on inviting his entire family to the next Peach Banquet. And to make matters worse, the Jade Emperor approved it! They’re all about making connections, but every peach at the banquet is already reserved by a great deity. Where am I supposed to find the peaches for this family?"
"Damn this celestial realm, where every inch of land is precious! The land I had my eye on to expand the peach orchard was forcibly taken by that old man Taishang Laojun to build a cow shed..."
After venting for a while, Zhao Zihu glanced at Li Zhi and his expression turned serious again.
"This time, I’ve established the first branch of the Peach Orchard in the mortal realm. It’s a significant reform in our management system. However, given my status, I can’t stay in the mortal realm every day. The celestial orchard is already short-staffed, and we can’t spare anyone else. So, reluctantly, I’ve decided to let you work for the celestial realm. You should feel honored."
"Coincidentally, just as I finished setting up the orchard, you were thrown into this area. It seems you have a destiny with the immortals..."
"Working for the celestial realm, the pay must be quite good, right?" A thought of hitting the jackpot flashed through Li Zhi’s mind, and he asked with excitement.
After all, in order to make ends meet after graduation, he had been selling his 'body,' and there had been no shortage of gossip behind his back. Every time he thought about how he, a grown man, might have to rely on others to survive in the future, a lingering sense of melancholy filled his heart.
"Salary? Even a high-ranking immortal like me with a permanent position can't make ends meet with just a salary. And you, a mere temp, are expecting a heavenly paycheck?" Zhao Zihu's eyes widened in mock outrage, his mustache twitching with every word. Then, a sly grin crept across his face. "But since you've landed this cushy job, you won't starve. Let's just call it... departmental perks."
"Huh?" Li Zhi played along, feigning confusion.
Zhao Zihu leaned in, his voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "You know the saying, 'When you're by the mountain, live off the mountain; by the water, live off the water.' We, the caretakers of the Peach Garden, don't just grow peaches. We grow opportunities. In my thousand years managing this place, I've managed to buy property on the most bustling street in the Heavenly Court, right by the Hall of Supreme Harmony."
"Enough said. Just take good care of this garden. Here's the token of authority for the First Division of the Peach Garden." With a flick of his wrist, Zhao Zihu tossed Li Zhi an ancient-looking ring.
"Focus your mind on it, and you'll be able to sense everything happening in the garden and control it. In other words, within these walls, you're the master." Zhao Zihu paused, then smacked his forehead as if remembering something crucial.
"Ah, I forgot you're just a mortal. You can't use such divine artifacts. No matter, I'll grant you another boon. Here's a Marrow-Cleansing Pill. It will purge the impurities from your body and help you form a spiritual root. Once you take it, you'll be able to communicate with the artifact and control this garden."
Before Li Zhi could react, a golden, glowing pill flew into his mouth and dissolved instantly. A warm current surged through his body, soothing his lungs, which had been burning from nearly drowning behind a yacht. In moments, he felt completely restored.
The warmth continued to circulate, and black vapors began to seep from his pores, leaving him feeling lighter and more alive. His strength, speed, senses, and overall physical abilities were rapidly improving.
This transformation lasted nearly half an hour. When it finally subsided, Li Zhi felt like a new man.
If he had looked in a mirror, he would have seen a profound change in his demeanor. Once a top student at Jiangnan University in Binhai City, he had become a shadow of his former self after the Liu Cai'er incident, wallowing in self-pity and defeat.
If it hadn't been for that fateful day when he found and returned the ancient jade bracelet of Xiao Yunxue, the university's most beautiful girl, Li Zhi might have been preparing to return to his rural hometown to farm after graduation.
Perhaps because he had no greed for the bracelet, or perhaps because it held great significance to Xiao Yunxue, she sought out Li Zhi, who had been ground down by the harsh realities of life, just as he was about to enter society. They signed a voluntary agreement.
The contents of that agreement had recently shocked the entire Jiangnan University and even Binhai City. Li Zhi was now universally labeled as the 'King of Moochers.'
A proud man, forced by circumstances to become a 'King of Moochers,' Li Zhi inwardly rejected the title. But his inner resistance couldn't change the reality, much like those strange movies where the character says 'no' but the body betrays them.
Resigned to his fate, Li Zhi had completely lost the dignity of a man. But now, after swallowing a pill given by the old man Zhao Zihu, Li Zhi felt that his lost confidence, along with an overwhelming sense of dominance, had returned!
"A third-grade Marrow-Cleansing Pill from the immortal realm, and yet this kid only reached the late stage of Body Refining, still far from the Foundation Establishment stage. His talent is truly abysmal," Zhao Zihu thought to himself as he glanced at Li Zhi. Then he chuckled inwardly, 'I'm just hiring a temporary handyman, not taking on a disciple. Why should I care about this?'
After a moment, Zhao Zihu instructed, "Alright, since tending to the Peach Garden is quite complex, I can't teach you everything in one go. I'll arrange for someone to gradually train you on the job. Today, the Moon Goddess Chang'e has invited me to the Moon Palace to help her with a sick osmanthus tree, so I'll be on my way."
Watching Zhao Zihu vanish into thin air before his eyes, Li Zhi couldn't help but pinch his thigh. The sharp pain confirmed that this wasn't a dream.
Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise! Who would have thought that being kidnapped and thrown into the sea would not only leave him alive but also grant him an extraordinary opportunity.
He tried using the ring to control the Peach Garden and discovered that it spanned a vast ten acres. Beneath the peach trees, deep within the mountain, there was an enormous cavern filled with intricate, mystical patterns that connected directly to the crooked tree at the mountain's peak.